What to do when a burglar is in your house:
- Get the fuck out. Your Playstation is not worth getting stabbed over.
- You will most likely lose any fights you start. Don’t do that.
- Call the cops. Don’t count on them to save you, but do it anyways. At the very least, you will most likely have to file a police report anyways for an insurance claim.
- The chambering of a shotgun generally scares the shit out of thieves. Real thieves will get the fuck out of there if they think someone has a gun. Junkies, though, might be too fucked up to notice. Or they might have their own and not care. Still best to get the fuck out.
- If there is no way to avoid an encounter with the robber, get naked. Not down to your underwear – I mean 100% naked. Get crazy. Yell things. This is not advised for attractive females – but for the average Redditor, it’s a viable deterrent.
- The thief has a specific game plan in mind. They know how they’re going to get in, where they plan to go, what they plan to take, where they plan to exit, and how they plan to leave. Anything that can be done that will majorly disrupt their plan, will generally make them leave asap.
- Mace. If you can’t legally procure mace, sporting goods stores should carry bear spray. If you can’t get that either for some reason – wasp/hornet spray. Again, I really can’t stress this enough, goal #1 is to get the fuck out. Don’t bring wasp spray to a gun fight.
- If you have your keys on you, set off your car alarm.